Coming Out of My Funk – with LOL Cat Illustrations
15 Nov 2011 1 Comment
in health and weigtloss, It's All About Me Tags: depression and crap
See? I haven’t forgotten. I’ve been rattling my brain, trying to figure out what to start with. There’s really so much going on, but I thought I’d start with the heavy stuff.
I don’t know how many of you read Hyperbole and a Half, but if you do, you will have seen the recent entry about depression. Sigh. I so relate to that.
Since my knee surgery in July, I have been having issues. I’ve been exhausted, and cranky, and supermega stress – and it’s not been pretty. I’ve snapped at people, and in general have been a cranky, sleepy, upset bitch. Seriously, I could really rival some of the big bad villans in your favorite superhero stories. I haven’t wanted to be around myself, and I’ve been existing on coffee. Most days, I resemble this:
Between school, my job, and stress over some random crap at home, this was how I wanted to spend most of my day…
So, I sucked it up, and I talked to my doctor about it. With a history of mental issues in my family combined with what I was going through, it was smart to bring it up with my doctor just to make sure everything was ok. He and I spoke, and he said he thought my problems may have stemmed from a lack of sleep. I was having issues falling asleep and staying asleep, and he wanted to determine if my issues stemmed from the lack of sleep, or if the lack of sleep were due ot depression. So, he prescribed some ambien to take care of the sleep issues, and gave me some sleep rules – the bed room is for sleep and sex, nothing more. Go to bed when its dark, and wake up with its light. Get 8 hours of sleep. No napping. NO NAPPING? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN NO NAPPING? SERIOUSLY, THAT’S MY FAVORITE PASS TIME…*ahem*
So I got the ambien filled. Now, let me tell you about ambien. It says to take it when you are ready to sleep. And they freaking mean it. Because no sooner had I swallowed the pills before I was drooling. ZONK. It’s not one of those pills you take in the bathroom and think you have time to make it to the bed. Because you’ll end up like this:
So, for 20 days, I took my ambien, and followed my sleep rules (to the dismay of my husband, who very much misses watching tv in bed) and I got 8 hours of sleep a night.
And I was still stressed and grumpy, and exhausted. So they checked my thyroid too. Because blood work is so much fun. But my thyroid is normal. And they are checking my vitamin D, which could be low…and and and…I feel like a pin cushion.
So, now I’m waiting two more weeks to determine if my Vit D is low. If it is, they’ll increase my D supplements and perhaps put me back on iron. And if that is all ok, they are going to put me on happy pills. No matter what, I’m determined to beat whatever is holding me down…and get back to happy…because everyone deserves to feel happy…no?
And I’ll beat the evil depression/exhaustion/whatever it is once and for all.
My Ass is Asleep
19 Jul 2011 1 Comment
in health and weigtloss Tags: things that suck
So, in a nutshell, knee surgery is nothing less than sucktastic. This recovery has been hard, yo.
When I had a microfracture surgery done three years ago on my left knee, the recovery was also sucky and painful, but I was up and walking even before I got my stitches out. I had two small incisions on my knee, both about an inch in size, and swelling was minimal, except for a big pocket of swelling where they had done the lateral release on my knee cap. I did a month or so of physical therapy afterwards, and I was back at work pretty much in three weeks.
This time around, things are not going so swimmingly. This is a different surgery – this time I had a de novo graft on the right knee. A de novo graft is a new surgery, where they implant juvenile donor cartilage under the knee cap and between the bones. The doctor also cleaned out a large number of bone spurs, and performed another lateral release of the right knee cap. And it’s hella painful. I mean hella painful. I have a huge amount of swelling, a lot of stitches, and a big old knee immoblizer. I won’t be able to put any weight at all on the leg for six weeks. I’m just one day shy of being a week out, and I’m still in lots of pain. And crutches blow.
Got the call today from short term – I’m approved through 8/2. My plan is to go back to work but work from home for the month of August. My poor boss is really having a hard time – we’ve lost a lot of people, and I do a lot of high level things. I couldn’t work now if I wanted to. My leg hurts to bad to concentrate for too very long and I can’t stand to have the laptop even sit on my lap. We had planned on going to the trailer this weekend, but I can’t see myself sitting in the car for 3.5 hours and then having to hobble across the street to the bathroom. Maybe next month – we are supposed to go down for a week. I’m really hoping to be able to go.
I know I know…you want gory pictures of the leg. I haven’t see it yet myself. And I won’t until I get my stitches out. But I promise to post pictures. Because I care. I do.
Blowing the Dust Off
29 Jun 2011 Leave a Comment
in health and weigtloss Tags: Health Update
Oh Hai.
So, I haven’t posted much because I haven’t had much to write about. Blah blah knee surgery coming blah blah. Blah blah physical therapy blows blah blah.
Honestly, there’s nothing else going on. We are heading to VA for the long weekend for my last hurrah while I have two good legs to stand on. I’m all cleared for the surgery and now I’m just waiting for the 13th. Albeit, impatiently. I’m so ready for this to be over with.
So, that’s why I haven’t posted much. You don’t want to hear all the boring “I don’t wanna have another surgery” stuff.
Will probably post more once I”m post op.
Unavoidable
21 May 2011 Leave a Comment
in health and weigtloss Tags: Health Update
Surgery, that is.
I saw my ortho on Friday…hoping against all hope he’d ask me to continue my PT and maybe get a cortisone shot.
Psh.
He took one look at my MRI. Severe arthritis. No cartilage. None.
Surgery is now scheduled for July 13th. But this isn’t going to be like the last surgery. The last one was outpatient. It was arthriscopic. It hurt like a bitch, because Iwasn’t allowed to put any weight at all on it for two weeks, but I came home with an ace bandage and a little bandaid.
This surgery is different. They are opening my knee up. I’m going to have him clean out the knee, but in addition to that, he’s going to do a cartilage grapht. Which apparently means they are taking my knee cap out, flipping it over, and graphting cartliage on the back of the knee cap, and then putting it back in.
At which point I said, “Wait, can you go back to the whole part where you said, ‘Taking the knee cap out?’”
And kept myself from throwing up.
Four to six week recovery period and my knee is going to be in an immobilizer. My poor boss. I think I need to offer to pay for his next prescription of xanax.
So…paging Dr. Summeroff….paging Dr. Summeroff….
Day 17 – 30 Day Meme
02 Dec 2010 Leave a Comment
in health and weigtloss, It's All About Me Tags: memes
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
50 Ways to Soothe Yourself Without Food.
Zumba or…Seriously, Are You Having a Seizure?
29 Nov 2010 Leave a Comment
in health and weigtloss Tags: fun stuff
I just bought myself a Christmas present.
I bought a zumba dvd off of ebay – $15. And I had a gift certificate on it, so I paid less than $5.
I’ve been meaning to try Zumba, but unfortunately, the local classes are booked until Jan 1 or are offered when I’m working. So, I decided what the heck, try a DVD. At least if I look like a complete idiot, the only ones who will see me are the cats and the dog – and they don’t care if Mommy looks like a spastic nut – as long as she gives them treats.
My exercise therapist recommended zumba to me because she wants me to shake up my workouts. I still plan on going to the gym, but I figure if I add zumba on my off days, it will shake things up a bit and confuse my body.
Lord help my poor knees.
According to the seller on ebay – they are express shipping it (for free!!) and it should be here on Thursday or Friday. I’m excited to give it a whirl!
This Is What NORMAL Feels Like – Cross Post
28 Oct 2010 3 Comments
in health and weigtloss, It's All About Me Tags: Health Update, me me me, Weight Loss Surgery
I posted this over at I’m Being Bypassed this morning but it’s an important one and I want to share it here as well.
Every now and then, I’ll catch a reflection of myself – either in a mirror, or a window – and am surprised to realize that it’s me. Once in a while, I’ll glance down at my lap while seated and actually see a lap. Occasionally, I’ll look down at my feet and legs and marvel at how, well, “normal” I look.
Mentally, that fat girl is still there poking fun at me. Sometimes it’s hard for my brain to digest the fact that my boobs (which even when I was fat were a small C cup) actually stick out farther than my stomach does now. It’s completely wild for me to see collar bones, or the tendons in my neck, hands and feet. It amazes me to see that I actually have slender fingers.
It makes me feel normal. I’ve never felt normal.
Things are so different for me today than they were one year ago. I can sit on the bus and instead of spilling over into the seat next to me having to sit with one cheek on the seat and one cheek hanging in the aisle, now I don’t even take up an entire seat. I can walk the six blocks from the bus stop to work without getting winded. In fact, I don’t feel the strain at all – it almost feels as if I’m floating. I don’t feel as if I have to apologize to people for taking up more than my allotted space on the sidewalk, elevator or bus. I can go up the stairs in my house without feeling as if I’m going to pass out. When I go to the gym, I no longer feel as if everyone is staring at me wondering what in the heck the fat chick is doing there. I’m no longer the largest person in the room. I’m smaller than my husband. I have bones and muscles. I have self-confidence.
When I set out on this journey in April of 2009, I honestly felt deep down that even this wasn’t going to work. I was doomed to be fat – destined to be ridiculed, to be sick, to die young. Now, even with all the possibilities that lie ahead of me, what feels best now is feeling NORMAL.
Over the weekend, my mom had asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I told her that she didn’t have to give me anything – we’d like to keep our Christmas spending to the children this year – which is still expensive seeing that we have eight grandchildren and a brand new great nephew that I lump in with the grandkids. But she said she’d already gotten my sister something, and felt it was only fair. I told her I honestly didn’t need or want anything, but I’d think about it. So two nights ago, she called me and with great pride said she’d figured out what she was going to give me for Christmas this year. $100 to spend on a pair of “sexy” boots. I had mentioned that I’d like to get a pair, since they never fit on my calves before. She said she wanted me to pick them out, but that’s what she wanted to give me. Then, with a catch in her throat, she said that she was sorry that all my life I’d had to dress like an old woman. I deserved to have some sexy things.
THIS is what normal feels like. And it feels pretty damned amazing.
Next Stop ONEDERLAND
13 Jul 2010 2 Comments
in health and weigtloss Tags: Weight Loss Surgery
I don’t normally post about my weightloss here, but since I hit a major milestone this morning.
I hopped on the scale this morning because I hadn’t in a while (stupid TOM). I was pleased to see a lovely 204 this morning.
That means in 8 months and 3 days, I have lost 100 pounds from my surgery date. I’m 5 pounds away from ONEDERLAND! Yay!
Pound for Pound Challenge – Done!
21 May 2010 Leave a Comment
in health and weigtloss Tags: Health Update
As of today I’ve reached my 50 pound goal for the Pound for Pound challenge! That’s 50 pounds of food they’ll donate to the Maryland Food Bank for all my hard work. Last year I didn’t make my pledge, but this year, I did, and I feel so accomplished!
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