My Yard Hates Plants

I have a green thumb – really I do.  I love to work in my yard, and garden and grow things.  My yard, however, is allergic to plants.

See, when I moved into my house about 9 years ago, I was all gung ho about starting a garden.  I bought a tiller, and I made myself a nice plot in the back yard.  I planted all kinds of lovely veggies.  I very carefully put a small fence up around the garden (so that the deer in my yard wouldn’t eat my plants) and I weeded and pruned and begged my garden to grow.

I got about eight spinach leaves, four lettuce leaves, one tomato that looked like it had been in a nuclear disaster, and three strawberries.


You see, my backyard is very wet – which is logical, since I back up to wetlands.  And my garden, for all intents and purposes, drowned.

So, the next year, I moved the garden.  Higher up, drier area.  Got some lovely zucchini, but everything else went to crap.

So I gave up for a few years – had to because of a heart attack and the fact that I was sad that nothing would grow in my yard.  Flowers grow just fine, but nothing else.

Then, about 4 years ago I got the bright idea to do container gardening.  And then the blights hit.  I just tired it with some peppers and tomatos.  I think we got three stunted little tomatos.  The peppers did really well however, so I just kept trying with the tomatos.

We decided once again two years ago to try a garden again.  We were very meticulous – we arranged for the garden to have drainage.  We tended our plants lovingly and carefully.  We got six peas and two – TWO – strawberries.  Out of a 20X20 garden.

This time it wasn’t the wet factor – the deer figured out how to knock our fence down – or eat through it.  They were well fed deer.  Fatest deer in the neighborhood.  And they told their friends.  And their friends’ friends.  Sob.

So last year, we said the hell with it.

But I haven’t learned my lesson – oh no – not at all.  I have decided to try once again.  Yesterday, I purchased two tomato plants and three peppers.  I found the driest, most protected place in my entire yard (my front flower bed up against the house) and I planted them.  The deer don’t invade that are because it’s too close to OMGPEOPLE.  And the rabits stay away because Sadie will eat them.  It’s nice and dry.  And it’s right in front of my front door.

If I end up with a tomato and half a pepper, I’ll take it as a sign that veggies are only meant to come from the grocery store.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bluzdude
    Apr 16, 2010 @ 17:38:45

    You should try growing meat. Like, say, venison.


  2. goldeygrad97
    Apr 16, 2010 @ 18:19:50

    Ha – we do….we have a freezer full. We just can’t kill them in our yard because we’re in city limits (ahahahahahaha since we’re in Aberdeen – if you can call that a city). But you know, a nice slice of tomato would taste really gooooood with that venison.


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